issue 39 - small moments i stole from you
Small Moments I Stole From You
i’m watching your friend run up and wrap her legs around you in a hug. it makes me feel something i can’t name.
you’re slowly sobering up on the subway with headphones in your ears. i’m keeping an eye on you to make sure you’re okay. i think i like taking care of you.
we’re sitting down on the grass in San Francisco, and your back is against mine. someone is taking a polaroid of us. it feels right.
i’m standing behind you while the music is loud all around. i wish i could dare to close the space between us.
you’re drumming your fingers on the steering wheel to the beat of the stereo. i think about how those fingers would feel against my skin.
we’re at Target choosing which air-fryer to get. i get a glimpse of what our domestic retired suburban life would feel like.
you’re in the Hamptons, and you’re texting me after two sangrias. my fingers are undoing the buttons of your red Hawaiian shirt and running down your chest.
we’re in the crowd, and all our friends have left on one side quest or another. it’s just us together again. there’s somehow space, so we lie down next to each other. we listen to a song together with our eyes closed.
the thought of you making out with someone else in the Elsewhere bathroom makes me want to puke.
i drag you outside into a quiet corner so we can make out too. it’s our spot now.
your friend asks us how we met, and i get a twinge of pride knowing you’re going to have to explain all over again from the beginning. it’s my favorite thing to hear you answer.
there’s a pink origami heart on your desk. i Googled how to fold one for you while you were out.
every time i kiss the back of your hand, i think i can feel your heart melting a little.
i’m browsing through your record collection. i stumble on the vinyl i gifted you all those years ago. the note i left you is still inside. it makes me smile.
we’re eating leftovers from the fridge that your mom cooked for you. i wish i could thank her in person.
i’m in Amsterdam months after you were there. i retrace your steps without knowing i am. i can feel your comforting presence around me.
i get out of the bathroom, and i’m watching you playing something on the piano with your back turned towards me. i can’t see your face, but you feel sad. i quickly sneak a photo to look back on tomorrow morning.
we’re having dinner outside on the patio. you’re talking about the kind of phone case your new best friend has. i think to myself - you used to talk about me like that too.
your phone screen lights up every time with a different picture of people you care about. everyone appears except me. it feels like a gut punch every time.
there’s a polaroid of you and another girl above the microwave, next to the one of you and me. i wonder who she is to you.
i take a polaroid portrait of me, and slip it into the mirror on the closet door. you’ve already taken it down the next time i notice. i pretend it doesn’t feel like you ripped it up into pieces.
i’m riding in someone else’s Tesla. it smells like your sister’s car. i’m haunted by the last conversation we had in the passenger seat.
i buy your favorite scent, and sign myself up for a ski lesson so i can feel closer to you.
you’re in Miami. i change my Weather app location on my home screen so i can see what the weather is like in your world.
there’s someone who has your haircut on the train. i sit down beside them because it’s the next closest thing. my day is just a little bit brighter.
the sun is setting into the sea by the beach. there is a pink bench with “KISS ME AT SUNSET” written on its side in black paint. a couple is sitting on it, kissing each other. i look at them and for a moment i can feel your lips on mine again too.
i’m in Tokyo alone, and i just want to go home. i play your favorite song in my head as the houses and fields flicker past by the train window. they make me feel closer to you, even though you’re long gone.
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love,
wing
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what are some small moments you stole from someone?
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